chivalry

The Worst Date EVER

Uh huh. He knows what's up...

Uh huh. He knows what’s up…

Hola people,

I was driving home from work this past Friday, when I witnessed an event that infuriated me to the point of slamming on brakes and yelling obscenities at the offending douchebag.

The douche was clearly picking up a girl for a date, and he DIDN’T OPEN HER DOOR.

Why is this so offensive, you ask? It was offensive because it’s RUDE and LAZY, and because he looked smug and cocky climbing into his 3-series.

Yes, I realize this is 2014–otherwise known as post-1950s-era–but there is absolutely no excuse for this behavior in a state that prides itself on being southern. It’s Texas, for crying out loud.

I just…oh man, it really just perplexes me. Gents, you want to get laid, right? You want your women to brag to their friends about how awesome you are, right? Why the hell would you not open her door when you pick her up for a date? I’m not asking you to open her door everywhere, all the time. I’m just asking that you at least open the door when you get into the car for the first time. Not doing so is kinda like not shaking hands in a job interview, or not sending a thank-you note for a graduation gift, or eating with your mouth full, or saying “fuck” over and over in front of your girlfriend’s parents for the first time. These are things that no one really wants to do, but you do them, like it or not.

And if you have a woman who gets upset and says a version of, “I can open this myself!” when/if you try to be chivalrous, be your most calm, confident self and say, “I know you can, but I wanted to open it for you anyway.” If you look her in the eyes and say this WHILE ¬†she huffs and puffs, you’re golden. If she still bitches, call me and I’ll set you up with someone who isn’t so goddamned uptight.

In conclusion, I’m asking–no, begging– all men of the world to please not be like that guy who didn’t open his date’s door. Don’t be a douche.

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